If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
