I cannot find my penis.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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