I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
