Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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