I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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