Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
