I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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