Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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