Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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