Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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