If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
