Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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