i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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