Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
