this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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