I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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