We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
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It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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