We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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