you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
