everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
