Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
