I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
