I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
