didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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