I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
