is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You ruined the universe
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
