I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
