So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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