Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
being pregnant is like rehab
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
