Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
