I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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