Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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