So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
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Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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