Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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