Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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