Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
