my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
