I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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