girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
