is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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