my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
