I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
