if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
