EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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