I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
