shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
