my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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