I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize