True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
