I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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