I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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