I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
