Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
