Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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