i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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