Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
