Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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