just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
