The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
