he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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