Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
