Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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