i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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