So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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