I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
