Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
