So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
