I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize