I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
