Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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