We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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