Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
