first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
