I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
