Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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