my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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