His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
