we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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