i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
