...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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