Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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