The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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