And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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